AngelWorks Echo

Welcome to AngelWorks Echo!

2010-10-17T10:36:00.000-07:00

Hello Everyone!

Finally! I've been meaning to create a site for AngelWorks Echo, the site for my literary works. I've been wanting to get a website of my own to put in AngelWorks and AngelWorks Echo, and what's about to come soon, AngelWorks Pro.

AngelWorks is basically for ARTWORKS I've done over the years. I've been carrying this name for so long now, I'll be really annoyed/pissed/frustrated if somebody else uses it. I'll go get copyrights when I can, haha! AngelWorks Pro, as I've said above, would be coming soon, is AngelWorks' gone Professional, it's still artworks, but this time, all of them are done for commercial use, like for my work, since I'm a graphic artist at the moment. Anyway, artworks aside, as I've been saying for years now, I'm more of a WRITER than a Photoshopper/Artist, so now, finally, here it is, the 'sister', or rather, 'twin' site to AngelWorks, AngelWorks Echo.

AngelWorks Echo is a collection of all my literary works. Be it be poems, songs, doodles, and most of all FANFICTION (which I've been doing for 4 years now). It will be quite a bore for anyone who's not interested in FAN FICS, especially since these days, I've delved into, umm, slash. LOL! You will be spared from reading them all though, it's really your choice. I just love to write, so just let me.

I'll be filling in the blog with the past writings very soon! I just need time to gather all the stuff again. It'll be really weird to be putting them up here, but it'll be interesting too. I hope you stay tuned for all of it!

Thank you so much for the support!

- ANGEL

PS. For my works, kindly go to 'the works' panel of the header. Thanks!

One-Shot : 7:05 AM

2008-11-11T11:14:00.000-08:00

7:05 AM
A One Shot by LeeChunsa
Song by : M (Lee MinWoo)

Tic. Toc.

Kate tosses and turns on the purple lined bed as she attempts to get some sleep. She’s been lying in bed for hours hoping to get her well deserved shut-eye, but it’s proving to be very difficult at the moment. She’s never been like this, sleeping has always been the easiest thing for her. Why is it so difficult to do it now?

Tic. Toc.

Kate turns right and faces her study table. She opens her eyes and adjusts to the darkness. However dark it may be, she could still see the framed photos that lined the table, the smiles on them gleamed in the darkness, as if teasing her to have more than just a glance.

Tic. Toc.

Kate turns left and closes her eyes again, inhaling the scent on her pillow. She could smell more than lavender from it, her favorite perfume. There was a whiff of manly scent, one she could easily recognize.

But not right now. Not right at that moment.

Tic. Toc.

Kate moves her knees up a little; her purple blanket slips away from her body as she did so. For the first time in her life, Kate doesn’t mind this. She should be used to the coldness now anyway.

She just wants to sleep.

Just sleep.

Riiiiiinnnnggggg~

Kate’s face contorts into the frustration that she is feeling right at that very moment. She tosses her blanket away from her body and irritably looks at her alarm clock, its digital purplish numbers glowing in the darkness.

6 AM.

Kate groans at this and turns toward her right again and grabs the extra pillow beside her, covering her face with it.

Riiiiiinnnnggggg~

Kate ignores her alarm clock and screams her frustration on her pillow instead. It can go on and on forever and she wouldn’t care anymore. She questions herself now on why she sets it at this time when her work supposedly starts at 8 AM anyway. Moreover, her work is just a block away from her place and she can easily walk towards her building 15 minutes before her time. Her alarm clock continuously screams its way into the darkness while she pondered on these thoughts.

After a while, the alarm clock finally stops ringing, much to Kate’s relief. She sighs and pulls the pillow off her face, only to smell the same whiff of perfume she had sniffed earlier. She dismisses the thoughts coming to her and hugs the pillow, burying her face on it.

'Eggiyah Ireona~'

Kate literally stops thinking upon hearing this.

She shuts her eyes tight, trying to block all thought, all emotion, all sounds she could hear…

'Eggiyah Ireona~'

A solitary tear falls on Kate’s tightly shut eyes, her heart beating madly as ever. She tries to ignore the thoughts but she couldn’t. She opens her eyes instead and turns left again. On top of her lamp table, beside her alarm clock, her mobile phone vibrates, light flashing on its screen. Kate stares at it for a while, unbelieving, trying not to feel anything.

'Eggiyah Ireona~'

She almost chokes on her tears as she slowly sits down and takes the phone from the table. A tiny tear falls on its screen, blurring the image that flashed with the lights. A man she knew for all her life, smiles up at her, his perfectly lined white teeth gleamed even in her mobile phone’s screen. A message is embedded below the image saying, ‘Baby, Wake up!’ The English translation of what her mobile phone is screaming about at that very moment…

'Eggiyah Ireona~'

His voice now echoes in her ears…

Kate closes her eyes and finds the courage to stop her mobile phone’s alarm. It took her a few seconds before her thumb landed on the cancel key. She drops her phone on her bed and breathes in heavily. Slowly she moves away from the bed and walks towards the windows, she pushes the purple curtains away, letting the sunshine slowly seep in inside the room.

Minwoo.

His voice still echoing in her ears, no matter how she tries to stop it.

Kate forces herself to move forward and walk towards her closet, where a towel neatly hangs on its handle. She sighs at the sight of it and drags herself towards her bathroom. The mirror welcomes her sight, and Kate blinks back the tears that threatened to fall again upon seeing her reflection on it. She looked like a zombie. A broken hearted one at that.

She drags herself towards the shower and ignores the little things she saw in them. Her movements were swift, most unlike what she usually does; she opens the shower and douses herself with the coldness that comes from it.

But it is not coldness that she is feeling right now. There is only warmth, one that comes from her eyes, down to her cheeks and into the nakedness that is her body.

He forgot to bring his shampoo with him.

Nor his freaking toothbrush.

Nor his face towel, now hanging beside her mirror.

Nor his favorite toothpaste…

Thoughts swirl inside Kate’s head, and with all her strength, she blocks them. She does not need them right now. No. Her eyes have cried enough tears. It has been days, almost a week now actually.

Why did he have to leave them all behind?

Why did he have to leave her behind?

No matter what people say about how strong love is, Kate’s experience defied all of it.

For sometimes, love, no matter how strong it is, is just not enough to fight everything else that challenges it.

Kate closes the shower and fights the feelings that were enveloping her. Instead she focuses on getting dressed for work and making her day right, like she used to. She proceeds towards her closet again and groans at the sight of it.

She forgot to take out the post it’s on her tops. Her clothes were still as organized as they were before; days before she succumbed to her loneliness and decided to shun herself away from the world.

Kate sighs and takes one top out of the closet, along with the pants that should accompany it, taking the post it notes on top of them. ‘FRIDAY’ landed softly on the floor. Kate picks it up and throws it on her purple bin. She looks at her alarm clock again, it’s digital keys flashing, 6:40 AM.

After dressing up and applying light make up on her face; just to hide the zombie like image she now projects, she rushes downstairs and into her kitchen to grab some food from the fridge to take to work.

She groans upon seeing the note posted on the fridge’s door.

‘Baby, don’t forget to drink your milk, I bought you some for this week. Your sandwich is prepared as always, grab one and heat it up at work. Don’t be late! Fighting! – Minwoo’

Kate sighs again and opens the fridge, grabbing the 7th bottle of milk and placing it on her kitchen counter. She grabs one of the prepared sandwiches, there were more stack up on top of each other, each in their plastic containers. She shuts the fridge, pours milk on her purple mug, drinks it in one shot, washes the mug and places it back on its counter; she did all of this in haste, trying not to think nor to feel anything else than the emptiness that is enveloping her at that very moment.

Taking the sandwich from the counter, she places it in her bag and proceeds to go out of her apartment. After locking the doors, she faces the street full of people hastily walking towards the pedestrian lane at the end of her street. Kate looks at her watch, 7 AM. She takes out her sunglasses and covers her eyes while she walks slowly towards the pedestrian lane, not really minding the people that were bumping her, nor the snide comments that comes after it.

She steps on the end of her safe side and looks at her watch again, 7:05 AM. It actually took her 5 minutes to reach the end of the street, what a record breaker. She usually takes more than that, enjoying the walk most of the time. She looks up at the traffic light, now signaling yellow, it will turn red in a few seconds. Kate looks straight at the end of the pedestrian lane, anticipating the cross she has to make.

She stops.

Her breathing stops.

Her world, literally stops.

Kate stares at the guy at the end of the lane, holding hands with a beautiful girl, who was animatedly talking to him, ready to cross the street.

The very same guy who set her damn alarm clock to 6 AM.

Who hanged her towel neatly on her closet handle.

Who forgot to take his shampoo, his toothbrush, his face towel, his toothpaste and God knows what else.

Who neatly hanged her clothes according to the day she had to wear them.

Who made her sandwich for the rest of the week.

Who bought her bottles of milk for her to drink in the morning before she goes to work, and in the evening before she goes to bed.

Minwoo.

Who is smiling at the girl beside him, Kate could see it, trying to laugh at whatever amusing story the girl must be saying, but his happiness not really reaching his eyes.

Minwoo.

Who said goodbye 4 days ago.

Who tried to fight for her but can’t.

Who didn’t have a choice but to marry some girl for his family. The one who now stands beside him.

Minwoo.

Who had loved her so much.

Minwoo.

Who she loved so much.

It took a few seconds before Kate realizes it.

They’re going to see each other.

She suddenly turns around; about to go back to her apartment, but the light turn red and several people pushes her at the center of the street. She has no other choice but to cross now. She stops on her tracks, again not minding the people bumping her, not saying any comments now, for all were in a hurry to cross.

Minwoo looks up and sees the red light; he guides the girl beside him towards the pedestrian lane and starts to cross the street.

Kate drags her feet and walks.

Minwoo looks toward her way and stares at her thunderstruck. The girl beside him continuously talks, not noticing the expression on his face.

“No.’ Kate mouths at him, Minwoo shakes his head, his small eyes widening still.

It felt like several hours before they finally found each other face to face at the center of the lane. And it felt like the world slowed down for both of them, to witness the bitterness that is embracing them…

She could smell the familiar scent from her pillows. The manly scent she loved and picked with him.

She could see him staring at her despite holding the hands of the girl beside him.

She could see that one tiny tear falling down from his left eye, slowly sliding on his cheeks, unseen and hidden.

She felt his free hand touching hers, grabbing it, squeezing it tight and then letting go.

She could feel her tears falling down her cheeks, from the eyes that were hidden by the glasses that she wore.

And then, the world revolves again.

They pass by each other.

Kate tries not to look back, but she gives in to the temptation anyway. She takes a glance and sees Minwoo laughing at whatever the girl is saying. Although his laughter is loud enough for her to hear, she could still sense the loneliness from it.

She could only see his back now, one she never wanted to see ever.

She swiftly turns her head back on the road and crosses the lane. Her heart aches at the thoughts that are running through her head now.

The moment she steps on the safe side, she feels her mobile phone vibrating on her bag. She hastily takes it out and stares at the screen, now flashing a message that she received an SMS. She dreads what she is about to see, but pushes the read key anyway.

‘I love you Kate, I really do. I’m so sorry. Goodbye.’

She places the mobile phone back in her bag and continuously walks. There is no turning back now. This is their end.

Her end.

And there’s nothing she can do about it.

/END.
November 25, 2007.

Drabble : And I Love You So, Part 3

2008-11-11T11:02:00.000-08:00

Title : And I Love You So
Genre : Drabble
Word Count : 5,194 *HOMG!*
Cast : Orange Minions, Shinhwa & Solbi.
Summary : If you love him, let him go. Because you have to, really.
Note : BOO. I actually get to do the final part. I was going to be all emo and wait for you guys to ask me to make an epilogue, but I just started thinking up a title and here it is. EURGH. I hate you Andy Lee. LOL! Well, there are stories that have happy endings. This is that story. Hehe. What? You want me to give myself a sad ending? Are you crazy? It's already sad in real life, I don't need more sadness in my life! ROTFL! And mind you, don't be too shocked on who's POV this will be. Here's me taking parkchoongjae 's challenge; a test to me being a writer. Heh, I hope I brought her thoughts justice, because this is exactly how I thought she would think. And oh yeah, this is really stressful stuff, haha. Gosh, she brings tears to my eyes.

AND I LOVE YOU SO
A drabble by Lee Chunsa
August 27, 2008

"I'm about to go crazy." You mutter to yourself and you really think so as you take a left turn at the end of the road and your eyes welcome the looming mansion (or is that a palace? you've always thought it was, especially when you saw the inside, wow) at the very end of the road. Your hands are sweating madly, despite you turning on the aircon to it's fullest extent and it's almost winter time in your country. You keep taking deep breaths and it's really driving you crazy now, thoughts after thoughts running through your head, and you wanna break down and cry, but there's no other way out of this.

"Calm down, you can do this." You tell yourself, and people will most probably think you're insane now, because you're talking to yourself, and you think you're really insane because you're doing something ridiculous, or maybe not so ridiculous because this is for the best and you need closure and you need to do this, there's no other way out of this. Besides, what's there to lose? You have already lost the only one that is everything to you anyway, there's nothing to lose now. You have to do this. Really.

You see the gates of the mansion and it really is huge, it's white walls makes you think of the White House in the United States, but that could be an exaggeration, but really the house is awesomely huge, and why are you thinking of these things? You are losing focus. Losing focus. You reach the gates of the mansion, finally, and you stop infront of it, trying to think if you should continue or run or continue, and oh dear, you're really confused. And scared. You're stepping into, possibly, enemies territory, and this could be the last day of your life. But then again you have already died last week, didn't you? So you take a very deep breath and face the intercom at the gate, ready to press, but the gate opens and it shocks you, because you haven't done anything at all! Oh do they have sensors in this house? You try to check if there was one, but then your thoughts shatter by a honk of a car behind you, and you realize, ofcourse, the gate will open, it's one of them coming in now. You sigh, and press on the accelerator and go inside the house, the other car, a black bmw follows you in, but takes a different route (there must be a special parking lot for them, seriously wow), and you proceed to parking just beyond the huge white front doors.

You get out of the car and debates with yourself if you should wear your sunglasses on, you're going to need them later, and besides it's really sunshiny outside, you should really wear it. You opt to wear it and close the car door, proceeding to walk towards the front doors. It must've been the hugeness of the place, but you feel crazy again and you want to back down. What is up with you and this whole plan anyway? You take another very deep breath and commands your right hand to knock. But even before you do so, the door opens, and oh do they have sensor here really? But your thoughts get shaken again as the face of the person who opened the door welcomes your vision and you are seriously in big trouble now.

"What are you doing here?"

It's Angel's bestfriend, the princess, Nerie and why is she here? But then again this is her brother's house, she can be here forever, that is expected, but oh dear, she will really kill you now, especially since you have no one beside you to protect you from anything. She mutters the words one by one, indignant and murderous and you want to cower at one corner and melt, but you can't and you are losing focus again. You take a really deep breath as she waits for your answer, she's almost clicking her shoes, looking at you with one eyebrow up and that's really scary (what if she throws you a tiara or something?) but you release your breath anyway and look at her seriously. You gulp and then finally words find you, "Is Angel there?"

Her eyebrow shots higher upwards at your words, if that was even remotely possible as it was already high up before, and she looks at you in disbelief. She stares at you and don't answer. You bite your lower lip mentally because you totally understand why she's acting that way. Because hello, you're the ex-girl and you should totally be looking for Andy instead of Angel. And Nerie's probably thinking you have an axe behind you, ready to kill her bestfriend, and she does think that way actually, as she looks behind you looking at your hands and then at your feet, as if there's a bag there lying with all your weapons, or you could be a suicide bomber going to explode if she as much showed you her bestfriend's hair.

"What do you need her for?!" Nerie says indignantly, she steps out and closes the door behind her, as if protecting everybody inside from you, and this hurt you a bit, even though it was a little bit funny, the situation you guys are in, but you understand, because if it was you you would've done the same thing and even throw yourself out because seriously, what were you thinking? But you face her, and don't back down even if you wanted to.

You really bite your lower lip now, "I...I just need to talk to her that's all." You say with a small voice, and you know this reasoning is really lame, because Nerie will not let you talk to her bestfriend, not in a million years, not to you anyway, but you say it anyway because it's the truth and there's nothing else you want from all of them really, just that one.

She scoffs, and you expected this from her really, so you try not to get hurt by her reaction, and you succeed in this, "Talk to her? Not kill her? Are you trying to pull my leg?" Nerie says as she looks at you searching your face for proof of your lies, but she doesn't see anything because you look at her with both eyes not blinking, showing her you really mean nothing harm, she sighs and shake her head, "I'm afraid not, I don't think she can face you really. Can't you just...leave her alone?" She says, her face sad, depression and worry on her face, and you completely understand this, because she's concerned with her bestfriend, but you really need to do this, there's no other way out of this.

"I'm sorry. I really have to talk to her Nerie." You say seriously, your hands are shaking so you hold both of them, and Nerie sees this and looks at your face while biting her lower lip, "I promise... I promise I won't do anything to hurt her. I just want to talk to her. You can listen in if you want, you can stay by her side, all of you. I don't care, I just...I just want to talk to her please." You say almost begging now, you're pathetic, you know it, but you don't care, because you really need to do this and this is important for you.

Nerie sighs, "She's already hurting as it is. Do you really need to do this?" She says as she looks away from you, her beautiful face contorts in frustration and this one of the things you are sorry for, why oh why are you bringing them this much stress. This is totally your fault, or not, and well not only you, but him too, oh how you hate him, but not really, but..oh dear, this is really hard.

You follow her lead and sigh as well, "Nerie, I'm really sorry for this," and you really mean that, "but I have to talk to her. I have to. I really do. If I don't," you pause, if you don't? what would you do? "I...I won't stop, I will come back over and over again, because I need to do this. I promise, this is going to be the last time, I won't bother her ever, ever again." you say, your voice firm and full of prromise, and you really mean these words. You just need closure, you just need to see her face and tell her everything. That's all you want really. You have no intention to hurt her or whatever, because you know you have done enough and this is your way of setting all of you free. You really must do this.

Nerie looks at you again, and you marvel at how so many emotions can run into somebody's face so fast; annoyance, frustration, a flast of anger and then understanding, and you hold you breath for the blow, but she sighs again and says, "Alright. Follow me."

You couldn't believe it. You look at her again, and she motions for you to follow her as she opens the door again. Noise insues from inside, one you didn't hear a while ago, and you notice that there are a lot of people inside. Shit. They're all here. Then you remember it's Saturday again, a week after the last encounter with everyone at the bar or club or whatever, and you are so dead right now because they can all pounce on you, and you hide behind Nerie because you're afraid a flying vase or worst, knives will suddenly be thrown at you, because you truly believe you messed it up last week, what with the dance battle and all and you are really so dead now, why did you even want to do this?

Laughter shakes your thoughts and you look at your right, right where the kitchen is and Gab and Kate emerges from it, Junjin's and Minwoo's wives, oh dear, both with plates of cake and looking like they were heading to the living room. They stop on their tracks and opens and closes and opens and closes their mouths in mock horror at your appearance, but Nerie sighs and goes, "It's alright, she's my responsibility. I'll take care of it." and then heads over to the kitchen and you bow towards Gab and Kate who're still staring at you like you're a ghost or something, and you bite your lower lip because seriously, this is getting really scary now.

"Unnie, where's Angel?" Nerie says, and you look at her and find yourself in the kitchen, you didn't even notice where you were going because of your thoughts. Meg, Eric's wife, is standing beside the refrigerator placing a huge box of cake inside, she closes the door to the fridge and then turns to Nerie smiling and then to you and shock registers in her face, but Nerie shakes her head and goes, "It's alright." like she did with Gab and Kate, and Meg nods, looking at you wary still. "Where's Angel Unnie?" Nerie repeats again, you stay standing behind her, looking around, and you see her, even before Meg says a word about it. Angel's head is poking from the pool's benches, reading something, her feet dangling from her chair. Meg follows your gaze and motions for Nerie as well.

"She's in the pool. I was suppose to bring her spaghetti when it's done." Meg says looking at both of you and then to her stove, where something was obviously being cooked at the moment, and you recognize the smell, Angel's favorite, spaghetti, and you remember that day, oh that day where you first met her when she came back and you remember Andy, then your heart just breaks again. Ouch. You breathe in and question if this was all worth it, but you breathe in the smell of the spaghetti sauce cooking, so instead you look at the windows again and see Angel's head and you think, yes this is all worth it, because you will not sleep right again if you don't talk to her.

Nerie looks at her bestfriend, worry on her face, and then to you, "Well, there she is. You can exit at the kitchen's backdoor." Nerie says while pointing towards the white door near the huge windows and you nod at both her and Meg, who's still looking at your warily, and then proceed to walking towards the door, noticing that your hands are shaking, but this is it. There's no turning back now.

The afternoon sun welcomes you again, but you take off your shades, noting that you should've taken it a while ago, but then again, it's almost transparent and really useless against the sun because it's pink and not tainted, you want to laugh at yourself, but this isn't exactly the time. The air is cold, you only notice it now, but you're still sweating like mad, how is that even possible? You dry your hands on your pants and walk towards where Angel is. She's placed the book down now, and is just silently sitting on the bench, as if waiting for somebody to pounce on her or something. You note that this is a bit weird, until she lets out a laugh which totally scared you out of your wits.

"Rhanie, it's totally not going to work. I'm not--" She says, standing up and turning towards your direction, thinking you're her other bestfriend, the popstar, Rhanie, probably going to cover her eyes or something, her pretty face shining with a smile as she faces you and then she takes a step back towards the pool realizing who you are, and no you don't want her to step back more because she'll fall over to the waters and you don't want that really, so you put your hands up, as if to signal for her to stop, and she does, looking at you warily, as if afraid for her life. You sigh at this and walk towards her, she stays where she is, still looking at you with her huge deer like eyes, almost as if she was going to cry.

You take a deep breath and clear your throat, "Hi." You say, slowly, and hoping it sounds friendly to her, because you have no intention to sound otherwise.

She smiles, warily still, "Hello." she says and takes a step towards you, not knowing if she should raise her hand and shake yours, but that would've been totally weird, because this isn't the first time you meet each other, so she settles to sitting back on her seat and motioning for you to seat on the other side. You're very thankful for her gesture and it hurts you to actually see what Andy saw in her in the first place. You sit next to her, a huge umbrella is actually covering the two of you from sunlight, and you look at her while she fumbles with her book again, as if arranging it so it won't fall down the grass, but you know she's just under pressure and you really are sorry for bringing that to her.

"Umm.." She starts, looking at you and biting her lower lip, "I...why are you here?" She says, her voice almost breaking as she tries to keep her eyes on your face, and you know that must've been really hard for her, but you smile at this and then sigh.

"I...I just wanted to talk to you." You say, your voice little.

She nods, as if in understanding, "Okay. Umm, what about?"

You look straight into her eyes, "About Andy."

Her breath gets stuck in her throat as she looks at you, hurt forming in her eyes, "Oh."

You shake your head and smile weakly, "I'm really sorry for this Angel. I don't want to cause you more pain, but I have to do this."

She nods but doesn't speak. And here you see another trait he loves about her; she listens. Even if you're obviously her enemy, she listens.

"I'm sorry." You say after a while, your voice cracking.

She looks at you, her expression unfathomable, "For what?" She says, her eyebrows meeting at the center.

"For hurting you." You say, your breathing coming in heavy, here you go, stating your crimes.

She shakes her head and breathes in heavily as well, "It's not your fault you know." She says looking at you, "And I never really blamed you for it." She smiles sadly and looks away, "So maybe I hated you for taking him away from, from me, but..." she trails on her worrds and looks at you again, breathing heavily, her eyes getting misty, "but in reality, I never really blamed you for everything. It's not your fault." she says, and you believe her, because her eyes says it all, she looks away again, probably because it's giving her a hard time to look at you, "Besides, it's not a sin to fall in love." she says leaning in to her bench and looking at the water from the pool, as if mesmerize by it.

You continuously look at her, trying to decipher her thoughts, but it's just so hard, maybe because she's a writer, and they're usually like that, but you still try to, but you can't and you give up and sigh, "It isn't." You say, agreeing to her last words, because it's true, it isn't a sin to fall in love, but, but you guys, you guys are in this mess all of you and you can't believe it can't be a sin really because how can you feel that everything you did is a crime? "But I'm really sorry." You say again, looking at her--now that you notice it, very pale face. Her eyes are shrunken and almost lifeless, not like when you first saw her, when she came back from wherever she came from, she was full of life then, vibrant and happy, and oh, did you cause all this?

She looks at you and smiles, and her face really shines when she does, "Thank you, but, there really is nothing to be sorry for."

You bite your lower lip, "But there is." You say, shaking your head. She looks away from you and back into the water again, not saying anything, because what else does she have to say?

"I'm sorry for...for the dance battle last week. I was...I was out of my mind." You start, this is just number one of your crimes, and you really feel like it's a crime because, well, oh it hurts trying to process it.

She smiles and shakes her head, "No, I'm sorry." she says, biting her lower lip too, oh why is she saying sorry to you now? "I shouldn't have...I mean it was nice and everything, but...I was insane and wasn't thinking very well that night. I had one of my moments again, and I saw you and him together when I entered the bar and I felt really, really bad about it. So when you started dancing and stuff and was like battling with me, I just totally lost it." She says, her face reddening, and this is the second color you see in her face, if white was a color at all, "I'm really sorry. I acted on impulse and that is really out of...out of it. I hope you forgive me." She finishes, looking at you sadly, and you see the sincerity in her eyes, one that breaks you because oh, why is she saying sorry to you when you should be the one saying sorry to her in the first place?

"Angel, I'm the one that's suppose to say sorry, I mean," You sigh, looking at her straight, "For all the things I did to you, all those times I saw you were jealous but looked like I didn't take notice of it? I really did do them on purpose, because I can't believe you were taking Andy's attention from me, and and, that dance battle, I did that because--" you say, your voice cracking, telling her all of your thoughts all at once. But Angel stands up from her seat, looking like she's going to faint from all that you're saying, and looks at you with tears on her eyes, and you know she will not let them fall infront of you, because she's all weak and you know she's weaker inside right now, but oh, you feel the same and-

"It's...It's alright. You don't have to tell me all these things anymore." She says, shattering your thoughts, biting her lower lip and stepping away from you, "I forgive you." She says, and your heart swells and you actually want to hug her for it, "It doesn't matter anymore anyway. But I appreciate it, really I do. Thank you, thank you so much." She says smiling at you sincerely, and you stand up biting your lower lip again, it's almost bleeding now, she raises her hands to stop you from walking towards her, "I'm going back to the States to write again so, just take care of him...Andy alright? Be happy you guys." She says her voice broken, and she turns around and makes a run for it, and your thoughts are all mixing up with each other and you're like hit by a lighting from all that she said and you can't believe it, but you gather your thoughts and say, "STOP! Angel wait!" and runs towards her, and holds her arms and turns her towards you.

She looks at you, tears falling from her eyes to her cheeks, and you get it. You get what she doesn't get, but you don't get it why she doesn't. All along you thought they were now okay and happy, but it seems they're not. For how can she leave again when everything is supposedly falling into place? Have you been crying the whole week with her? Have you both thought that you are the one who lost, the one who should go away? You curse in your head and you want to strangle Andy for his foolishness; no wonder Angel's all pale and reacting like this! You grip her arms and breathe in hard and sigh and couldn't believe you're going to say these things to her.

"Angel, you don't understand do you?" You say, tears streaming down your face, because oh, the words you're going to say is going to bite you so hard, she looks at you with wide eyes, tears still falling, but you will yourself to continue, "We're not together anymore. That night? That night we battled? We broke up, that's why I battled with in the first place, because, because I couldn't accept that he has to give me up for you," and your tears, oh they're all streaming down your face and you're sniffing and breaking inside, but Angel's just looking at you in disbelief, obviously not knowing of what you are saying and unable to believe any word of it, "And oh, how can you not know?" you say, gripping her arms with both of your hands now, and you note in your head that Meg and Nerie might be watching you from the windows and are going to kill you off now, but no one, no one is coming out and Angel's just staring at you, more and more tears spilling from her eyes, "That's why I came here for, to say sorry, cause I thought you guys are already happy together. Oh why should you leave? You cannot leave!" You say shaking her, and you know you're not merely shaking her but yourself as well, because this is really so hard for you.

She's shaking her head over and over again, "I...I...I didn't know!" She says, her voice breaking, and you look at her and you stop and suck your breath at the image that you see.

You, reflecting in her eyes, tears all over your face, and oh, you see her face and notice how you guys are the same. You feel like looking through a mirror, seeing yourself, hurt and broken, and you realize, in a wave of emotions, as more tears spill from your eyes, that you are the same. Both of you loved the same man, and broke for the same man. There was no question of who was better than who, because no one is really better than anybody in this. And it breaks you more, because you realize this things and you know, that what you are doing is right all along, despite convincing yourself that you have to keep him, and it's wrong to let him go, but this is...this is the right thing, as you stare into her huge eyes and see how exactly alike you are and you finally understand.

"Can I hug you?" You say out of nowhere as you continuously stare into her face, almost unblinking, and she stares at you as well, unable to believe all the words coming out of your mouth, but she takes them all in anyway, and she nods, oh she nods, and you hug her so tightly, almost breaking her frail form and she hugs you as tightly back, not really understanding what is happening, but she's doing it anyway. And you cry even harder, because when she hugged you back, you felt as if you hugged yourself and that is the comfort you have always waited for for a whole week, and you feel your heart slowly mending, if that is even possible, and you feel good, despite feeling like wanting to die, because you know and understand everything now.

"Please be happy." You mutter in her ears, "Do not let him go, Promise me." You say, tears spilling from your eyes to her green top, "Promise me!" you say roughly, and shaking her as well, she nods and sobs on your shoulders, and you feel your shirt getting wet as well, "Love him like you do. Do not stop. Be happy together." You say, your voice breaking again. She nods, and you break away from the hug and look at her eyes and you feel silly now, you squeeze her shoulders and let go of her completely, "He's so lucky to have you." You say, and you really mean it.

She smiles despite her tears and you finally see colors on her face, "No, he is lucky to have you." She says looking at you, and reaching out to squeeze your hands, and she does and you feel elated because of this.

"Angel?"

Both of you turns around and see him, Andy, standing right beside the door towards the kitchen's back door where you came from a while ago, and he sees you, and your faces and there's a scared look in his eyes and this, this breaks you again, and you let go of Angel's hands, nod towards her, while Andy looks at you guys weirdly, Angel nods back smiling at you sadly, you bite your lower lip and turn around from her, from him and you go through the kitchen door, not talking to Andy, because oh how could you? and you go in the kitchen and see Meg and Nerie, their eyes red and looking at you sadly, but with smiles in their faces, and you know they saw everything or could've heard everything too, but you don't mind, because their smiles adds up to the stitches mending your heart, but you don't stop to turn to them anymore, instead you go out of the house, not looking back.

"Wait!"

You don't stop cause you know it's him, running towards you, but he grabs hold of your arm and turns you towards him, oh his face, your mending heart is bleeding again, "What? What was that?" He says, holding you, his face confuse, afraid and wary.

You shake your head, "Nothing, I just...I just said sorry" You say and then thug your hand away from him, he lets go, so you step away, but you stop and look at him, trying to memorize his stance, his face, because oh this is the last time you'll ever see it this close, "Please promise me you'd be happy Andy." You say, tears still spilling from your eyes, oh but did they even stop? He looks at you still confuse, and this, this really breaks you hard, and you fling yourself to him and hug him tightly, not wanting to let go. He hugs you as tightly back, and pats your back as he did so and that pains you so much, because you will never feel that again.

"Please be happy." You whisper in his ears, and then you break away looking straight into his eyes, and you smile because there are tears running down his cheeks, you know he understands everything now, and those tears, he's not only crying for you, and himself, but for her as well, because all of you are in this together, hurt and shattered for loving one person, "Love her like you would with me if ever we were together." And you laugh at this because, well, you know he loves her more than he could ever love you and this doesn't break you at all, wow, "Be happy, that's my greatest wish for both of you." You say as you break away from the hug and look at his face one last time.

"Oh Solbi..." He says, and you close your eyes at this, because you know, that is the last time you'll ever going to hear him say your name.

"Be happy Andy!" You say, your voice cheerful, and you really feel like you're going to be cheerful again, finally.

He smiles and nods towards you as you make your way towards your car and get inside. You fumble with your keys and put on your shades again, then you get out of the premises and you give Andy one final wave from the window, and he waves right back, and then you turn, and he is gone.

Gone forever in your life.

But you smile, despite all this, and the tears running down your cheeks again, you smile because you know that you have helped two people find their happily ever after, even if you had to cut yourself out of the picture. You wipe your tears and breathe in hard, and close your eyes for a bit, because you know, that you too, you too will find your happily ever one day, and it will be grand, because the heavens will look down on you, and note that, hey, she helped two hearts before, it's time she get hers now.

So you zoom out of the premises, away from him, her and everybody else you met because of them, knowing that where you are going, there's no more hurt, no more guilt there, but only happiness, never ending happiness.

/END.
August 27, 2008 7:02 PM

Drabble : Forever's Last Day, Part 2

2008-11-11T11:01:00.000-08:00

Title : Forever's Last Day
Genre : Drabble
Word Count : 2,755
Cast : Angel (Yes, I write stories about myself duh), Andy and She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named (don't worry, I don't say her name here, but in essence, yes she's in this story)
Summary : If you love him, set him free. But will you really?
Note : I have to get this out. Supposedly, this follows another drabble entitled 'The Road To Letting You Go', and is set 2 hours after 'The Road To Letting You Go' however I couldn't find my ground and didn't finish writing it. Maybe I would, but not now. My writing here is a bit different from what I've written so far, I don't know if you'd like it at all, but for the first time in my life, I actually liked the whole thing. I applauded myself (hell yes, I did) after I finished reading this. I think I did the situation justice.

FOREVER'S LAST DAY
A drabble by LeeChunsa
August 15, 2008

It is already past midnight, the clouds thinning, the moon shining brightly, the air getting colder; you should be tucked under the covers now, already fast asleep and yet you find yourself still sitting on a swing, in the middle of the playground you played at when you were little, the swings creaking everytime you push the ground to get higher, and beside the most unlikely person you should be with...the man you vowed to love forever. You sigh and stop from swinging. The air grows colder every second, and you berate yourself why you didn't have anything to cover yourself with.

"Angel."

You close your eyes at the sound of his voice, calling out your name. How many times have you imagined this moment in your head? You have waited for this all your life, right after you left, you even dream about it every night, him, right there, beside you, calling out your name. And yet now, now that you finally have the moment, it doesn't feel right, not at all, and instead of your heart soaring, your heart breaks at the sound of it.

"I never really stopped loving you you know."

Suddenly you open your eyes at this random confession. Slowly you turn towards him, you almost close your eyes again at the look on his face, one you never expected. Not now anyway. There it is, that look, the love you have waited to see for months, only for you, only for you. But why does it feels so wrong?

"Really?" You hear yourself utter, your voice almost raspy from not speaking for a long time. You clear your throat and turn away from him, embarrassed. He chuckles despite himself, you look at him and give him a small smile. He sighs, taking this as a good sign and breathes out his reply.

"Yes." It almost sounded like a whisper, but you hear it clearly.

You look back at him again and shake your head, willing yourself scoff and then chuckle, "It's hard to believe that now Andy." You say sighing.

His smile falters at the name you just called him, ofcourse you expected this before you said it, but you just had to, he was always used to being called another, that name you've called him for years, one you want to say outloud right then and there, but refused yourself the right to. Because really, you don't have the right to, not now, not anymore.

He sighs after a moment and looks at you intently, "It's weird hearing that from you." he says, looking sad and depressed and alone all of a sudden. It breaks you looking at him like this, isn't it your life's plan to only bring a smile on that beautiful face? But you fight the feeling and force another small smile for him...you know it breaks him more than it makes him happy. But this is all what the moment has called for.

"What?" You say innocently, your reply altogether different from what he just said. You could've said, 'Why?' or 'It is, isn't it?', but your mind isn't working properly, and this is all that came to you, and so you said it, without thinking, because really, you can't even process anything right now. Even these thoughts doesn't process in your brain, you try to reason but you can't. What's happening to you?

He breathes out, not noticing the emotions playing on your face, it must be because of the darkness, he sighs and look infront of him instead of you, like your face scares him and pains him, "My name." he says his voice full of hurt, and this registers in your puddled brain and you turn away from him, not wanting him to see that a single tear dropped on the right side of your face, the side that's hidden from him. You try not to sniff, but you can't, so instead you kick off from the ground again, the swing creaking from rust again.

"What's weird about being called Andy? That's your name anyway." You finally say after you get your first high up, you swing to and fro and he looks at you for a moment, trying to decipher your thoughts, for these are not the words he expected from you.

He shakes his head after a while, probably dizzy from your movements, "Yeah. I know. Just that--nevermind." He says, his voice breaking. He looks infront of him again, and then to the skies, it was as if he was praying or asking God for help, but ofcourse you don't know what's really going on, you have failed to analyze him now, like you failed to get his affections, his love... You stop from kicking and settle in again, your swing stops creaking, and you look at him again, smiling despite yourself, and then voicing out the thought you've been keeping all night.

"I can't believe I'm sitting right next to you right now." You say, your voice baring you. You hate this and shift back to your earlier demeanor. No he shall not see your weakness, although yes you are weak, but no, he must not see it. You must be strong, or at least, you have to show him that you are.

He smiles, hearing the change in your voice, "Me neither." he says, his voice full of hope, and though you try to fight it, you look at him and give him the smile he's always loved getting from you. It made your face shine in his eyes, like the Angel that you are to him. You don't fight the feeling anymore and just bare it all, it's only you and him anyway, what's there to lose? You've lost everything even before that day anyway...it's time to set yourself free now.

A tear falls from his eyes at the sight of you, "What happened to us Angel?" he says, moving closer, the chains from his swing creaking, rusty as well, but he doesn't care about it as he moves even more closer, like you were both sitting on a bench but not. You look at him and smile sadly, this was the question you've expected to hear, but not from him...

"I'm the last person you should ask that question. I'm quite baffled when I got back, which I'm sure you noticed." You say as you sigh and look infront of you, like what he did a while ago. In the corner of your eyes, you see him shed more tears; he's showing you weakness now, and it's not helping you any bit. You want to tell him to stop because it's making you want to hug him, want to kiss him, but you can't and you know in your heart that you can never will...not anymore.

He reaches out for you hands, you flinch at his touch but let him hold your hand anyway, loving the warmth it gave you in this cold night, but you don't let him see it, no he must not know you love the feeling, "I'm...I'm sorry." he says, broken, shattered, squeezing your hands tight. A tiny tear falls from your eyes again, this time you don't fight it and show him. He looks up at you and sees them, one hand reaching out instantly on your cheeks, but you turn your face away. No. He will not wipe your tears. Not anymore.

"For what?" You say, looking right infront of you, trying your hardest not to look at him. He doesn't answer and you want to laugh and cry and scream at him, "For replacing me?" you add, bitter resentment sounding in your voice, and though you hate yourself because of it you don't fight it, you just let it out. It was now, and there is never. You have to get this out.

He takes away his hands from you as if your skin scalded him, "I...I don't know what to say." he mutters still looking at your face, pain etched across his face, tears continuously falling.

You look at him again and hold your ground, "You don't have to say anything." You say out loud, one you know is a lie, you wanted him to say sorry, to get back with you, because that's right for you, but you can't seem to bring out yourself to say it, because in your mind's eye you see him laughing with her, hugging her and carrying her stuff for her like he used to do with you, "I can see for myself you know." you say, your voice quivering, seeing more of their moments in your head and you hate yourself more and more because you're showing him how weak you are. But then again, aren't you both weak now?

He's trying to read your thoughts, "Are you mad at me?" he asks, tentatively, but with more tears in his eyes, falling down to his cheeks, to his neck...and you want to hug him, want to tell him it's okay but..

"No." You voice out your thoughts out loud.

"Really?"

You look at him, trying to think why he asked that question, and then you remember why, and you want to laugh at yourself, "Not really. What do you expect me to feel anyway? I only have a heart." you say, softly, trying to redeem yourself; even in serious situations like this you can make a doo-doo of yourself, spacing out, if in a different situation, he would've berated you for not taking him seriously, but this is not that situation...you wish it was, but no.

He smiles, as if knowing what's on your mind, and then reaching out for your hand again, you don't flinch this time, so he continuesly holds you, squeezing your hands. "I never really stopped loving you Angel..." he says, looking at you. You look at him and then give him a small smile, squeezing his hands back and then letting go. You stand up suddenly, it almost shocked him, but he didn't show it or you must've missed it, you look out ahead, as if you're waiting for somebody to pick you up, but there was only the two of you there, you look back at him and smile again.

"And so I've heard. 'cept I don't seem to feel that." You say, your voice regaining their strength, standing up must've been the reason for it, it gave you better ground, but you don't really think so.

"I'm sorry." he says, bowing his head and looking down on the grass. You look at him for a moment, sitting there, weak and fragile, looking at the ground like a small child and your heart bursts at the sight, you try hard not to sit down infront of him and hold his hand and gather him for a hug, the urge is frightening, and yet you stand your ground. Your friends will either congratulate you for your strength or slap you for your foolishness, but where does that matter now?

"This.. this isn't going anywhere. I, I have to go." You hear yourself speak after a moment, you hands formed into a fist at your sides as you try to keep your strength from going away. You turn around in haste and walk away as fast as you could, away from him, away from everything...

"Angel wait!"

You hear the swings creak and you know he isn't pushing the ground but standing up from it. You stop and stand still, but not turning towards him. "There's not much to talk about, you already showed me its over." You say, your voice breaking again, you hate yourself more and more, but you continue anyway, "I...I have nothing else to do about it now. I came back here... because, because I thought we could come back together, finally, after years, but...I find myself replaced." The thought kills you inside, but there's no stopping you right now, no you have to let this out once and for all, "I don't blame you Andy, not really. Although I sometimes want to." You laugh and sniff and hate yourself even more, because you know that you can never blame him, "But I know it's my fault, I, I shouldn't have gone away." You sigh, looking up at the skies, feeling irony that of all nights, why did the stars shine brightly at that moment? "Anyway, it's all done and over with. You're here... with me, finally... 'cept it's different now, not much how I imagined it. You're not mine anymore. Maybe never was.." you say all these words and then looking away from the heavens; and so you will to show all the pent up emotions you have kept all these months, and he hears them, feels every single word, and it hurts him you know it, even if you don't see his face, you know it breaks him, you know it makes his heart bleed, but...

"Angel, I.." he utters, taking a step towards you.

"Enough." You say turning towards him now, and you see it, all the emotions playing on his face, those that you are afraid of, you're about to cry and wail and run to him and tell him that you're going back to him, but no, "I only want to tell you one thing though." you hear yourself say, oh why are you saying these things? But you have to say them, no there's no other way, this has to end now. Tears fall from your eyes again, and you hear yourself, say the words you don't want to say, even if they were real and true, and it's all what's in your heart...

"I love you so much it breaks me. I love you so much it makes me want to set you free. I love you so much I want to give you up. I love you so damn much Dy, it makes me want to forget you."

His mouth opens at these revelations and he breaks, right there, infront of you, he falls down on his knees, like his tears on his cheeks, on his shirt. There is no more heartbreaking scene than this one, more than ever you want to run to him and hold him and tell him you'll be there for him forever, but no, you can't you just can't...oh why can't you?

"Angel..." he says under his breath and he cries and cries and cries right there, and you want to reach out to him more than ever and you hate yourself, no loathe yourself because of this...how can you hurt him? How can you pain him? How can you make him suffer like this?

But instead of these thoughts getting you back to him like it should, you feel yourself less and less right for him, not like before, you knew and everybody else did, that you were right and perfect and you complete each other, not now...not anymore, "It's over." you hear yourself say, like from far away, what are you saying? "Let's just move forward." you utter, and now you know it's you speaking and not somebody else, not faraway but there "Although I cannot promise I'd stop loving you, I don't think I'll ever will. I'm stubborn like that see." you laugh but tears spill from your eyes and he cries even harder, "But I really have to let you go Dy..."

"No...No...No..." He shakes his head over and over again, refusing to believe everything, and it breaks you so much, you feel your heart opening and bleeding and why are you still alive?

You turn around despite his cries and you screw your face up, now finally giving in, and you walk away, your feet walking on their own accord, and it's driving you crazy and you want to run to him but you want to run away too and then you close your eyes and you say it, those painful words you never want to hear from any of you, but you say it, "Goodbye."

And you run as fast as you could, and you totally break and you die inside, but you don't go back, despite hearing his cries of your name and you run and run and run and run and run, there is no turning back now.

And you know that that day, that day everything ends, you, him, love, and the world. Because how can it not, and how can you live, when you don't have him anymore?

/CONTINUE TO : AND I LOVE YOU SO.
August 15, 2008
11:40 PM

Drabble : The Road To Letting You Go, Part 1

2008-11-11T10:51:00.000-08:00

Title : The Road To Letting You Go
Genre : Drabble
Word Count : 4,544 *gaspeu*
Cast : Angel, Andy, She-who-must-not-be-named (yes, she's in this, but you will NEVER read her name spoken or thought of), Nerie, Rhanie, Meg, Kate, Gab, Eric, Minwoo, Junjin, Dongwan and Hyesung.
Summary : If you love her, let her go. But will you really?
Note : So I lied. Actually I already did the first part when I finished the beta over 'Forever's Last Day', but I didn't think it was enough, so I waited for comments to come in, as it was written in a very different view, but almost the same. Since you guys liked the writing from 'Forever's Last Day', I thought of changing the writing style to this one as the same one to 'Forever's Last Day'. The first one I did on this is the normal writing style I always do. This is really stressful, haha, and I'm doing this in Andy's POV now. I made him a bit different, and this explains the whole story a lot, I think you'll understand it more here. He's quite a thinker, haha, he thinks a lot here, so I hope the number of words didn't scare you off. And I really hope you'd like this one too. I'm still thinking over the third and final part, but I might not be up to it. LOL! We'd see. I have to get this off my chest to fully move on and get on writing more important fics. Sorry guys, please bare with me. Oh and you can actually separate me from the character, because I'm not exactly that thick-faced enough to think I'm that perfect as he portrays me to be in here, and no, I don't hate her, not really.

THE ROAD TO LETTING YOU GO
A drabble by LeeChunsa
August 25, 2008

"So you're breaking up with me?"

You look at her and try to decipher her thoughts, her words do not tell you what she really felt. It was like any other question, like it was normal for her to ask these things, without feeling anything. However, the moment you raise your eyes to her face, you see the hurt playing across her pretty face. You feel her pain as if it was your own. Why did you have to do this to her anyway? Have you no heart at all?

"I'm sorry." You say, loudly enough for her to hear and to get through the music in the club. You close your eyes, frustration eating you. Why did you choose to break up with her in this place anyway? There could've been a better place, a much worthier venue...but what would that change? Will it lessen the hurt of the moment? No.

She shakes her head and breathes in heavily, "Would that make it all better? Sorry? What do you think of me Andy Lee?"

You open your eyes and look at her face, tiny tears drop from her eyes and down to her cheeks, she doesn't even care that there were more than a hundred people present in the club that night, she just lets them fall because that's what she was feeling, and you love this about her, but then you berate yourself for hurting her like this, when she was nothing but a wonderful friend, and most of all, a loving one. She loved you with all her heart, deeply, truly. How could you have done such a thing? You are a fool and you know it. You have placed her in this predicament without thinking about all of it. You thought you can replace that one girl in your heart, you thought you can move on after all these years, and she, the girl infront of you now, is the one to mend your broken heart. But was she the one, really? Didn't you break the first time you saw Angel's face again? Didn't you?

"Angel."

You look straight into her eyes, willing yourself not to believe what came out of her mouth. Did she just say that or did you say that out loud or did you just hear it in your head?

"What?" You say looking straight into her eyes, your heart thumping hard into your chest. Or where you that obvious?

She smiles and shakes her head despite her tears, "It is about Angel." She says as she bites her lower lip, hurt crossing her features yet again, hurt you caused her over and over again.

You close your eyes and curse in your head. So you where, that obvious. But how could she have noticed? Was it because you were staring at Angel too long? Or because you where--but how can she not have noticed Andy? She, the girl infront of you now, was your world before that very day you decided to let her meet your friends. Before that day you told yourself you were ready to open your heart to somebody else again, and that it was time for that girl to finally meet your awesome friends, despite knowing that they will never get to accept her in their hearts in replacement to the dear old one you thought you lost years back. You lose people because you're stupid Andy, because you don't think. You don't plan, you don't listen, you don't--you sigh and shake your head as she looks away from you in disgust. She could hear your thoughts, you know it, because she can read you very well. She turns away from you and looks at the dance floor, depression written all over her pretty face. You sigh again and pull yourself together, but instead, what you see is her, her, her, her, her... Angel. She steps into the club with her friends exactly the moment you choose to look at the doorway. She looks exhausted, drained...but happy. Her face lit up everything, you think smiling sadly to yourself. Then she disappears from the crowd, but all you see is her still.

Then you remember that day again, when you brought the girl infront of you to your friend Meg and Eric's place, your gang were having a huge party that day and you didn't know exactly why. It's been a month since you last saw them all, because you were giving all your time to your new girl, because you were trying to be happy on your own--because merely looking at your friends drives you crazy with longing, longing to see Angel again. And that day, when they told you they were throwing a huge party, you grabbed the chance to bring your new girl and introduce her to them. Finally. They will really be proud of you. You have finally learned to love again, after all these years, you have learned to let go, if not fully, at least a little bit. It was supposedly a surprise, but you were the one surprised instead. You probably knew it when you entered the house holding her hand and everyone looked at you as if they were ill. But then again you expected this reaction from them, especially from Angel's two bestfriends, Nerie and Rhanie, and from her sister-in-law, Kate and most of all from her brother, Minwoo. Maybe it was when you went to the kitchen and saw Meg preparing spaghetti. She never prepares spaghetti unless Angel was there. But you didn't took note of that because you missed spaghetti so much, it's been 2 years since you last tasted Meg's special spaghetti for Angel. You never liked spaghetti before, but you fell in love with it because the girl you loved loved it so much, that sometimes you think she must've loved it more than you, but then you grin at the thought before, for how can she love spaghetti more than you? Oh how this thoughts pains you now. You sigh again and you remember how you were excited over the spaghetti and telling your new girl about it. But she wasn't much of a spaghetti person, she liked jajjangmyun better she says. But you didn't care, as you joined everyone and you all sat down at the dining table, everyone looking like they were turning green for some reason and smiling and fitgetting on their seats, which you never took notice then as you scoop on so much spaghetti sauce on the orange bowl infront of you, not noticing that they are using orange and green utensils for that day, and how everything was spelling Angel like a bright neon board on everyone's heads, until you hear her voice from the hallway screaming, "Guys! I'm home!" and you turn around, dropping your fork which was halfway towards your mouth and you see her... see Angel, standing on the doorway of the dining room, wearing dark denim pants, an orange long sleeved top and a lime green scarf on her neck, her glasses perched on her nose, and smiling at everybody else...until she saw you...and who was beside you.

You thought pandemonium might've erupted then, because how can it not when the two girls whom you have loved and is loving is right infront of each other, or you must've been dreaming. But everyone was still sitting on their chairs, and your girl, YOUR GIRL, stood up from her seat, smiled at Angel, as if she knew her very well and said, "Wow, no wonder we're having a huge party here, you were coming home! Welcome back!" and you stared at your girl and everybody else did, you know it's her way of trying to brighten the atmosphere as she might've noticed how the rooms' aura is darkening every second, but then you still wish that the world would just eat you up that very moment. And you knew, you knew then...oh you knew, when you looked at Angel's face looking for any reaction from what your girl did and she looked at you with questioning, hurt, eyes and her chest heaved up and down, oh you could almost hear her breathing, that you have done something wrong and it will worsen in the next few days. But you didn't do anything about it, you went away with your plans thinking it will still work, when all you could ever think of is Angel's smiling face at the doorway, and knowing that all you wanted to do that day was to stand up from your seat and wait for her to run into your arms like it used to. And to hear your nickname repeated in your ears over and over and over again, "Dy-Dy", like she used to do 2 years back. But that's not what happened. And now you're buried in this very hole you dug for yourself, and who can you blame really?

It seems like a nightmare to you now, when you thought you were drifting into the greatest dream. How did it ended up like this? What part of it all did you not understand? Or did you really try to understand? Or did you refuse to understand? It confuses you now more than ever, why are you even thinking of these things?

"What is she good at other than writing anyway? She can't have been that much amazing that you're changing your mind about me."

You shake your head from your confusing thoughts and depressing but sort of happy memories and you move your gaze towards your, well, ex-girl, and you see the bitterness in her face while she's looking at-you turn your head to get a better view, and you see Angel again, now having a toast with all of your friends (yes all of your friends, and you should be there, but you're so far away, far across the room), and you notice how Angel's face is glowing with happiness and how you long to hug her, her signing must've been a success. And then you go back to looking at your ex-girl, trying to think what she was asking you and you remember as her face contorts in disgust at the look she saw in your face again, that longing again, and she shakes her head and wipes away her angry tears.

You lean towards the table, towards her and take a deep breath, "I'm really sorry. I didn't...I didn't mean for this to happen. I had it all planned out in my head, or, or I thought I did, but...please Sol-" you say these words fast, willing for her to understand, because you really are sorry and you didn't mean any harm, you thought it was all over, when it obviously was not, and all you ever wanted was nothing more than love really, but why, oh why is everything going wrong?

She raises her hands to stop you from talking, afraid to hear her name from your lips, because you know that it will pain her even more, because she loves how it sounds coming from your mouth, but now she doesn't want to hear it anymore from you, because it hurts and she doesn't want anymore of it.

"What is she doing here anyway? Shouldn't she be in her library or study or table or something writing more of her stuff? Does she even dance, or know what dance means?"

You look at her sadly, hurt because of all the words she's firing Angel right now is because of you and you know she doesn't really mean any of it, for she is a very awesome girl and she's only sour graping at the moment. And you didn't want to say anything else, afraid to ruin it even more, afraid to hurt her more. But she stands from her seat, looking at you angrily, and then towards her friends and then suddenly, you wish you said something about her questions because she's going to be hurt all over again. She's approaching the DJ at the podium and whispering something, and then a grin crosses her face, while she wipes away her angry tears and music is starting to play, half her friends join her in the dance floor, and across from them Angel is standing with Nerie and Rhanie, talking happily, and then Angel looks up at the ceiling as if seeing the music playing and grins, and you see your ex-girl approaching her in tune with the first beats of the song playing and taps Angel's shoulders, and then suddenly, this is when Pandemonium erupts, finally.

Your ex-girl dances all her anger at the dance floor, all the moves she learned all these years; she was really a good dancer, but you were afraid this spur of the moment decision from her will hurt her the most, for she does not know what she got herself into, what you got her into, and you look at Angel's face, she's looking at the girl in disbelief, her two bestfriends looking murderous and then Minwoo stands up from his seat, taps Angel's shoulders as well, and you knew then, you knew this is going to be a show, and Angel's shaking her head, but Minwoo takes her glasses from her face, and he grins and takes her jacket too and then suddenly Junjin is standing up as well, now folding a part of Angel's pants up to her knees, and then ripping apart parts of her top...and both of them, Minwoo and Junjin, turns her toward your ex-girl, while Rhanie and Nerie takes the phony tail out of her hair and pushes her hair all over the place, and then, for the first time in two years, Angel dances.

And that's when you lose every single ounce of restraint you have kept all these weeks since Angel's arrival.

You have always been a fan of her dancing, of how she can move and groove and dance and do every single step thrown to her. But then again, she was Minwoo's sister, and to think that she doesn't even know the word dance is an insult to her intelligence. She was always dancing and dancing with Minwoo and Junjin before, it was their hobby every Saturday, and everyone watched them in awe in the dance floor way back, but Angel told you she wanted to put more important things in her life and given up on dancing completely. Then she started writing and then everything just went crazy between the two of you and she wanted a time off, and she wanted to go somewhere to do her writing...and that's when she went away and you thought she broke up with you because you lost contact and you never understood how important writing is for her, so you took it all in a stride and thought it really was all over and you suffered and got hurt and you tried to love again and then she returns, thinking you were waiting for her and you get the shock of you life from all the realizations and you're sorry to both of them, but the damage is already done and...and then now...now you're sitting in that famous club again, like you used to way back, watching the dance floor as two of the most important people in your life are battling, for reasons none of them could understand, because you were scared to explain.

Soon enough Junjin and Minwoo joins Angel in the dance floor, happy to be dancing with her again, and your ex-girl is staring at all of them in disbelief now, not knowing what to do, and like something clicked on her brain, she remembers that the girl infront of her--as she takes a questioning glance at you--is the same girl she saw dancing with Minwoo and Junjin way back, that Lee Chunsa and Angel Lee was the same exact person and no she doesn't only write well but dances really well too. And she realizes all these, her face contorts in anger and confusion and more hurt but she has to finish the battle she herself has set upon both of them, and you feel for her, so you stand and go to where she is to help her, not knowing how to really, but she stops you and just watches Angel finish her dance. Angel stands up from her break dancing, punches the air and flips, and that's when you see it, the tiny cherry hena tattoo she never forgets to get done and you curse in your head, while your ex-girl stares at Angel and you in disbelief, and the music is already over now.

"I hate you Andy Lee." Your ex-girl mutters as she punches your chest with all her might and walks off, you wish she didn't and would punch you over and over again because you deserve it so much. But she's not really like that, she's gentle and loving, and oh how she loves you but she has to suffer this fate. You look at her now, sorry written all over your face and she glances at you in time and she shakes her head, tears on her eyes..and you knew, she can never forgive you. But you take this all in knowing it's your fault and you see her leave you, embarrassed, depressed and hurt more than ever in her life, and it's your fault, but you can't do anything about it. So you look back at Angel who's talking to her bestfriends and is now retreiving her glasses from Minwoo, while random people pats her back recognizing her. Her top is totally ruined, part of her pants is still rolled up, he hair now tied in a pony tail again, and she looked like the same exact way before she decided to give up on her dancing and that was the girl you fell in love with so much, and even more when she started being serious with her life and writing and everything else. You walk towards her, because this is something you have to fix too, and you see her glance at you and then hurriedly getting her bag from their table and then Eric passes Meg a car key, and Meg passes her the car key and she ultimately gets out of the area in haste. But you are faster, and you glance at your friends' table afraid one of them would stop you and punch you, but what you see there just sets you on fire, because all of them are smiling at you sadly and nodding and you know you're doing the right thing now for once in your life.

You see Angel almost running to get out of the place, she's really fast but you grab her hand and she turns toward you shock, confuse and afraid reflecting in her huge brown eyes. And you wanted to kneel infront of her because of this, but she thugs her hands away and tries to get away from you but you hold onto her hands firmly, because there is no way you will let her go ever again.

"Please let go of me." She utters, her voice tired, like her eyes, dark circles were evident and she looks like she was about to faint, but you have to tell her, you have to ask her forgiveness and sort this out, there is really no best time than this.

"I don't want to." You hear your voice shaking, you're about to break, because holding her hand like this, even forced, it hasn't happened in 2 full years and you glorify in the moment, because it's simply amazing to be right infront of her again. It feels like the world has cease to exist and there's only the two of you now, she looking at you with various expressions reflecting in her expressive eyes and you holding her hands tightly, this was the dream you were waiting for, not too great this time, but soon, your heart hopes, it will be.

"Andy, please, let go." She says yet again, trying her hardest to get off from your death like grip, and there are tears treatening to fall from her eyes right now, but you don't care, you really can't let her go. You drag her towards your car, because you can't talk right there, too many people are watching and they couldn't and wouldn't understand what's going on, and you don't have time to explain really. Both of you stops pulling, away and to, each other, because people are literally stopping to look at both of you now, and you both smile at them all, like everything was okay even if it wasn't. It was in this nanosecond of change that Angel takes her chance to escape from you, but you have memorized her movements even before and takes her hands again before she can fully run away from you. She looks at you with a pained expression on her face and you feel it, that pain imminating from her eyes, and you want to let go and set her free, but you know, finally you know, that that isn't what both of you needs right now.

You sigh, squeezing her hands, "Angel won't you please listen to me?" you say, your voice finally breaking, tears stung your eyes but you will not let them fall. You are hurt too, and you want to end the misery now, more than ever. Angel must've heard it in your voice, for she turns around, and looks at you shell shock, her eyes searching yours and trying to decipher your thoughts.

"What do you want?" She says, her eyes brimming with tears, but like you, she doesn't let them fall, but looks up in the skies as if believing that they would go back to where they came from. You wanted to laugh at her silliness for she's always been like this, believing in crazy things, but it makes you want to cry and hug her even more because this brings back so many memories and you want them back, not only as memories but the real things.

"I want to speak to you.. Privately, please." You say, your words almost a whisper now, for your voice is really breaking from all the emotions pouring in, and you bite your lower lip, trying your damnest not to cry.

She heaves a breath and shakes her head, her phony tail wagging at the back of her head, "No." She utters and you bite your lower lip and try your hardest not to break down infront of her and beg, you don't notice that you are already pouting at her, like you always do whenever you want her to do something for you before, and she smiles and chuckles despite the situation and that, that really makes you want to break down, because her chuckle is everything to you, "Really Andy, that won't work with me." she says trying hard not to giggle, because you pouting always makes her giggle, and this really will bring tears to your eyes now, but you stop yourself because you feel that finally, she could be giving in.

"I wasn't doing it on purpose. It just happens." You say, defending yourself, or trying to at least, and you smile at her sadly when she chuckles yet again, and you take this as a good omen, because really, nothing can be better than Angel laughing and you will yourself to continue, "Come on Angel, I just want to talk. To be with you, even for a while." You say as you brave yourself to squeeze her hands again, and yes all you are saying is true and real and you are not lying, not to her, to yourself and to anybody else. Your lying days are finally over.

She looks at your hands, and then your face, her expression softening, and you really want to cry now, infact, if it wasn't that dark, she would've seen a solitary tear finally rolling at the right side of your face, "What about--" she says, but you raise your other hand that was free of hers, and you stop her from talking, "I'll take care of it. Just give me this." You hear your voice breaking, because you really are crying now. She sighs and glances towards the club doors, and this scares you, as she might call on Minwoo and the whole gang, but then she looks at you again and her whole demeanor changes and you feel like you're glowing at the look she just gave you, and she smiles, and you should have wings right now and flying high up, and utters, "Alright" and it's only a whisper but in your ears it echoes over and over again. You almost jump for joy at this pronouncement, you're really so happy you can fly, and you take her hands, not grip it, and she takes yours willingly and you guide her, not drag her into your car. The dream is getting better, and you're hopeful more than ever.

When you both get into the car and settle in and your fumbling with your keys, you take a glance at her, right beside you, unbelievable but real, "Thank you." You say, and you mean it along with all the things you have said to her that night, and you want to hug her for being her, because she will always give you a chance, even if you don't deserve it and your heart swells because of the thought of it. You successfully retreive your keys and start the car and you're finally going out of the area, away from the noise, from all the people and finally, it's just you and her again.

"You're welcome." She says beside you, you glance and look at her face again, she's smiling like she used to before and you can't help but smile right back.

You get out of the club's premises and you find yourself into the road. She doesn't ask you where to go, how long it'll take to get there or how long she will have to talk with you, because you know that she trusts you on everything, despite all the things she had to suffer, despite all that she saw, she still trusts you and your heart swells from all of this again, about to burst. You look at her face once again, she's looking outside, her face almost peaceful, she glances at you, as if feeling you looking at her, and smiles again. And you don't question or fear anymore, because everything is starting to look better, and you will make it better, no matter what, and you will face it, finally, together, and whatever happens you will love her because she was never unloved, or loved, as she's always the one you love, will be loving and forever will stay in love with. And this, this is what you want to tell her, so you hope, that in the next moments, you will be able to tell her exactly that, because that is the truth, and don't all they say that the truth will set you free?

/CONTINUE TO : FOREVER'S LAST DAY
Done. August 26, 2008 2:22 AM

S U R R E N D E R

2008-10-17T11:06:00.000-07:00

Lyrics by : Angel Lee
Written : April 29, 2008 @ 8:01 - 8:29

This paper remains empty despite me writing these words
Like my heart, even if I'm living, it remains unbeating
Broken, than that of a shattered glass
I am screaming but my lips remain sealed
No worlds come out of my mouth, nothing is uttered
I am but a silent and broken person.

My tears drop down on my cheeks, sliding ever so slowly
I try not to feel, to rest my tired mind, my hurting heart
There is nothing but emptiness and myself
I am lost, unfound and abandoned.

I cease to feel, to care and to love
But in all of these I fail
Because my heart will forever call for you
And though I write these words to erase them later
The pain I feel right now will still pierce me
A reminder of the suffering, the time I have wasted
And the love I will keep on giving you still,
Even if until now, I remain inexistent in your eyes.

How do we say goodbye to something so utterly beautiful?
You who remains innocent and pure in my eyes
You who remains untouched and flawlessly true
I crave to forget you, for all that you have made me
I yearn to stop remembering, but I can't seem to.

I cease to feel, to care and to love
But in all of these I fail
Because my heart will forever call for you
And though I write these words to erase them later
The pain I feel right now will still pierce me
A reminder of the suffering, the time I have wasted
And the love I will keep on giving you still,
Even if until now, I remain inexistent in your eyes.

How hard is it to erase memories that never really happened?
How hard is it to let go of someone whom you never really mattered?
Why is love so painful? Why do I keep hurting because of you?
Why do I remain invisible in your eyes, despite my many efforts to tell you I exist?

I cease to feel, to care and to love
But in all of these I fail
Because my heart will forever call for you
And though I write these words to erase them later
The pain I feel right now will still pierce me
A reminder of the suffering, the time I have wasted
And the love I will keep on giving you still,
Even if until now, I remain inexistent in your eyes.

I cease to feel, to care and to love
But in all of these I fail
Because my heart will forever call for you...

But even until now...I remain, inexistent in your eyes.